An elderly couple went to watch a contest for the strongest bull. After the contest they went to the 3rd prize bull's owner, wanting to know what his secret was.
The woman asked; "How do you make your bull so strong?"
The owner said; "You have to make sure the bull makes love once a week."
The woman turned to her husband and said;"See!"
The old man was displeased but said nothing.
They then went to the 2nd prize bull's owner and the old woman asked the same question, to which the owner replied; "You must make sure your bull makes love 2 or 3 times a week."
Again the woman turned to her husband and said; "See! See!"
The old man was annoyed but remained silent.
They then went to the 1st prize bull's owner and again the old woman asked the same question. The reply was; "You must make sure your bull makes love at least once every day." The woman turned to her husband and said;"See! See! See!"
This time the old man got angry and asked the owner; "But does your bull always make love to the same cow?"
The owner replied; "No, no. Many many cows."
The old man quickly turned to the old woman and said; "See! See! See! See!"
Showing posts with label Funny jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny jokes. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
The Loving Couple
A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits down,
another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to
him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a
seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the
year, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to
come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't
been to together since we got married."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find
someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral."
another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to
him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a
seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the
year, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to
come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't
been to together since we got married."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find
someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral."
Friday, September 4, 2009
Joke?
A very successful Singaporean lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.
As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely
tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined.
His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be
same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again. After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life'
'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got
ripped off when the truck hit you!'
'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer. "MY ROLEX !!! "
As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely
tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined.
His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be
same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again. After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life'
'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got
ripped off when the truck hit you!'
'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer. "MY ROLEX !!! "
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Old men think fast!!
Old men may walk slow BUT think F A S T
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees.
The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there. In the shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.
He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees.
The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there. In the shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while.
He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Cut & Paste
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause......
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !"
The wife went "ah!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out " ... and I can't remember who she was !"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
Moral of the story : Don't copy if you can't paste!!! :P
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"
The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause......
A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !"
The wife went "ah!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out " ... and I can't remember who she was !"
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
Moral of the story : Don't copy if you can't paste!!! :P
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Jokes
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: 16 Mar 2008
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.
Looking forward to see you TOMORROW!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Chinese Joke
有一美女下夜班,被一好色男子尾随跟踪,美女很害怕,正好路过一片坟地, 好色男子正要下手, 美女走到一座坟墓前说:"爸爸,开门吧,我回来了"。吓的好色男子狂奔而去。
美女为自己的聪明得意地笑了起来，哪知笑声未落，从坟墓里传出一个阴森森的声音说："闺女，你咋又忘记带钥匙了呢？"吓得美女尖叫著跑了。这时，一个盗墓者从坟墓里爬了出来，说："影响我工作，吓死你"。突然发现墓碑前有一老者，手拿凿子在刻墓碑，就好奇地问："你在干吗"？老者生气地说："这些不肖子孙把我的墓碑都刻错了，只好自己来改啦"。盗墓者一听，吓得撒腿就跑了。看著盗墓者的背影，老者冷笑道："跟老子抢生意，吓死你"。一不小心，凿子掉地上了，老者正要弯腰去拾，却看见从草丛中伸出一只手，同时还有个冷冰冰声音：" 啊，敢乱改我家的门牌号"。吓得老者连滚带爬地跑了。一个拾荒者从草丛中爬出来，捡起地上的凿子，感叹道："这年头，捡块烂铁还得费这么大神。
祝天天快乐 ! 如果你笑了！让更多人分享这份快乐！
美女为自己的聪明得意地笑了起来，哪知笑声未落，从坟墓里传出一个阴森森的声音说："闺女，你咋又忘记带钥匙了呢？"吓得美女尖叫著跑了。这时，一个盗墓者从坟墓里爬了出来，说："影响我工作，吓死你"。突然发现墓碑前有一老者，手拿凿子在刻墓碑，就好奇地问："你在干吗"？老者生气地说："这些不肖子孙把我的墓碑都刻错了，只好自己来改啦"。盗墓者一听，吓得撒腿就跑了。看著盗墓者的背影，老者冷笑道："跟老子抢生意，吓死你"。一不小心，凿子掉地上了，老者正要弯腰去拾，却看见从草丛中伸出一只手，同时还有个冷冰冰声音：" 啊，敢乱改我家的门牌号"。吓得老者连滚带爬地跑了。一个拾荒者从草丛中爬出来，捡起地上的凿子，感叹道："这年头，捡块烂铁还得费这么大神。
祝天天快乐 ! 如果你笑了！让更多人分享这份快乐！
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Be specific
OFFICE MEMO:
All members of staff - please note that due to recession, there will only be one drink per person at this year's Annual Party.
And please bring your own cup!
Regards,
Management
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And what happened at the annual party !!! (Scroll down)
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The specifications were missing ! in the memo (size of cup).
Moral of the story:
Be very specific in your daily life including project work. Give specific specifications.
All members of staff - please note that due to recession, there will only be one drink per person at this year's Annual Party.
And please bring your own cup!
Regards,
Management
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And what happened at the annual party !!! (Scroll down)
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The specifications were missing ! in the memo (size of cup).
Moral of the story:
Be very specific in your daily life including project work. Give specific specifications.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
How was I born?
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this ...
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'You got Male!'
The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
Scroll down...You'll love this ...
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'You got Male!'
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Have a good laugh!
4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while
waiting for their wives birth giving.
Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,
"congratulation, you got twins!".
"Ohh.. maybe its a coincident" said the daddy. "I am working with
the Petronas Twin Towers ".
Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,
"congratulation! you have triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincident too" said the second daddy. ? "I am
working for 3M Corporation"
Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, ?
"Congratulation! Isteri you dapat kembar empat,"
"Alhamdulillah! Maybe this is also a coincident". "I kerja di Four Season Hotel!"
While, the fourth daddy-to-be were in uncontrolled worry.
All the 3 daddies asked him,
why are you seems so worry??"
He answered, "I am working with Seven-Eleven"
Wuahhahahahah.....
waiting for their wives birth giving.
Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,
"congratulation, you got twins!".
"Ohh.. maybe its a coincident" said the daddy. "I am working with
the Petronas Twin Towers ".
Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,
"congratulation! you have triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincident too" said the second daddy. ? "I am
working for 3M Corporation"
Another nurse came out and told the third daddy, ?
"Congratulation! Isteri you dapat kembar empat,"
"Alhamdulillah! Maybe this is also a coincident". "I kerja di Four Season Hotel!"
While, the fourth daddy-to-be were in uncontrolled worry.
All the 3 daddies asked him,
why are you seems so worry??"
He answered, "I am working with Seven-Eleven"
Wuahhahahahah.....
Monday, March 9, 2009
Cikgu BM. Only Happens In Malaysia!!!?
Murid : Selamat pagi, cikgu.
Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata
selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
Murid : Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid : (senyap)
Cikgu : Pandai!
Murid : Bodoh!
Cikgu : Tinggi!
Murid : Rendah!
Cikgu : Jauh!
Murid : Dekat!
Cikgu : Keadilan!
Murid : UMNO!
Cikgu : Salah!
Murid : Betul!
Cikgu : Bodoh!
Murid : Pandai!
Cikgu : Bukan!
Murid : Ya!
Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!
Murid : Oh Hamba!
Cikgu : Dengar ini!
Murid : Dengar itu!
Cikgu : Diam!
Murid : Bising!
Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu : Mati aku!
Murid : Hidup kami!
Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!
Murid : Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu : Kamu gila!
Murid : Kami siuman!
Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!
Murid : Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!
Murid : Belum! Belum!
Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!
Murid : Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu : Kurang ajar!
Murid : Cukup ajar!
Cikgu : Habis aku!
Murid : Kekal kami!
Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!
Murid : Belum, pandai!
Cikgu : Berdiri!
Murid : Duduk!
Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!
Murid : Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu : Rosak!
Murid : Baik!
Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
Cikgu : (Menengking) Mengapa selamat pagi sahaja? Petang dan malam awak doakan saya tak selamat?
Murid : Selamat pagi, petang dan malam cikgu!
Cikgu : Panjang sangat! Tak pernah dibuat oleh orang! Kata
selamat sejahtera! Senang dan penuh bermakna. Lagipun ucapan ini meliputi semua masa dan keadaan.
Murid : Selamat sejahtera cikgu!
Cikgu : Sama-sama, duduk! Dengar sini baik-baik. Hari ini cikgu nak uji kamu semua tentang perkataan berlawan. Bila cikgu sebutkan perkataannya, kamu semua mesti menjawab dengan cepat, lawan bagi perkataan-perkataan itu, faham?
Murid : Faham, cikgu!
Cikgu : Saya tak mahu ada apa-apa gangguan.
Murid : (senyap)
Cikgu : Pandai!
Murid : Bodoh!
Cikgu : Tinggi!
Murid : Rendah!
Cikgu : Jauh!
Murid : Dekat!
Cikgu : Keadilan!
Murid : UMNO!
Cikgu : Salah!
Murid : Betul!
Cikgu : Bodoh!
Murid : Pandai!
Cikgu : Bukan!
Murid : Ya!
Cikgu : Oh Tuhan!
Murid : Oh Hamba!
Cikgu : Dengar ini!
Murid : Dengar itu!
Cikgu : Diam!
Murid : Bising!
Cikgu : Itu bukan pertanyaan, bodoh!
Murid : Ini ialah jawapan, pandai!
Cikgu : Mati aku!
Murid : Hidup kami!
Cikgu : Rotan baru tau!
Murid : Akar lama tak tau!
Cikgu : Malas aku ajar kamu!
Murid : Rajin kami belajar cikgu!
Cikgu : Kamu gila!
Murid : Kami siuman!
Cikgu : Cukup! Cukup!
Murid : Kurang! Kurang!
Cikgu : Sudah! Sudah!
Murid : Belum! Belum!
Cikgu : Mengapa kamu semua bodoh sangat?
Murid : Sebab saya seorang pandai!
Cikgu : Oh! Melawan!
Murid : Oh! Mengalah!
Cikgu : Kurang ajar!
Murid : Cukup ajar!
Cikgu : Habis aku!
Murid : Kekal kami!
Cikgu : O.K. Pelajaran sudah habis!
Murid : K.O. Pelajaran belum bermula!
Cikgu : Sudah, bodoh!
Murid : Belum, pandai!
Cikgu : Berdiri!
Murid : Duduk!
Cikgu : Saya kata UMNO salah!
Murid : Kami dengar KeADILan betul!
Cikgu : Bangang kamu ni!
Murid : Cerdik kami tu!
Cikgu : Rosak!
Murid : Baik!
Cikgu : Kamu semua ditahan tengah hari ini!
Murid : Dilepaskan tengah malam itu!
Cikgu : (Senyap dan mengambil buku-bukunya keluar.)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
The Black Bra
The other day I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have
been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to
amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice,
stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to
meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went:
My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing
a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and
I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask
over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he
didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice,
black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my
eyes.. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said…
"What's for dinner, Batman?"
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have
been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to
amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra & bodice,
stiletto heels and a mask over just our eyes. We agreed to
meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went:
My engaged friend:
The other night my boyfriend came over and found me wearing
a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and
I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask
over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he
didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice,
black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my
eyes.. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said…
"What's for dinner, Batman?"
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Chinese joke 2
A lady sees some Chinese characters on a Chinese menu. She likes them, so she goes home and makes a shirt with the symbols on it. Later that day, she bumps into a Chinese person. The person looks at her and says "Do you know what your shirt says?" The lady admits that she doesn't know and asks the man to translate. The man says, "Your shirt says 'cheap but good'."
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 A M.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 A M.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,
'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'
She says, 'I was in bed.'
'In bed this early, doing what?'
'Getting a second opinion!'
(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
Friday, September 26, 2008
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'
'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Marriage (Part I)
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?'
His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'
(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
Friday, September 19, 2008
Ah Beng story
Ah Beng is a bus driver; one day got this old folks home 'pao' his bus for a day trip to Pulau Ketam. Sitting right behind the driver's seat is Grandma Sue and from his rear mirror Ah Beng can see that Grandma Sue is happily munching away...
In the middle of the road trip, Grandma Sue tapped Ah Beng on his shoulder and asked him...
Grandma: 'Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?'
Ah Beng: 'Tenkiu ah ma... yes I want!'
Then Ah Beng also happy happy munching peanuts... about 20 minutes down the road, Grandma Sue asked Ah Beng again...
Grandma: 'Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?'
Ah Beng: 'Tenkiu ah ma ... yes I want!'
To make the story short, this goes on for a few more times then Ah Beng finally asks Grandma Sue...
Ah Beng: 'Ah ma ah .! ... you dont eat peanuts one meh?'
Grandma: 'No... no eat! Ah ma boh teeth la!'
Ah Beng: 'Aiks! Boh teeth then why ah ma buy peanuts leh?'
Grandma: 'No choice leh! Just now that 7-Eleven is out of chocolate so ah ma kena buy this peanut chocolate lor! Ah ma lick the chocolate around the peanut and the peanut give you eat lor!'
In the middle of the road trip, Grandma Sue tapped Ah Beng on his shoulder and asked him...
Grandma: 'Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?'
Ah Beng: 'Tenkiu ah ma... yes I want!'
Then Ah Beng also happy happy munching peanuts... about 20 minutes down the road, Grandma Sue asked Ah Beng again...
Grandma: 'Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?'
Ah Beng: 'Tenkiu ah ma ... yes I want!'
To make the story short, this goes on for a few more times then Ah Beng finally asks Grandma Sue...
Ah Beng: 'Ah ma ah .! ... you dont eat peanuts one meh?'
Grandma: 'No... no eat! Ah ma boh teeth la!'
Ah Beng: 'Aiks! Boh teeth then why ah ma buy peanuts leh?'
Grandma: 'No choice leh! Just now that 7-Eleven is out of chocolate so ah ma kena buy this peanut chocolate lor! Ah ma lick the chocolate around the peanut and the peanut give you eat lor!'
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