The Loving Couple

A man had two of the best tickets for the FA Cup Final. As he sits down,
another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to
him.

"No", he says, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a
seat like this for the FA Cup Final, the biggest sporting event of the
year, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to
come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't
been to together since we got married."

"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find
someone else, a friend or relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head... "No. They're all at the funeral."

Joke?

A very successful Singaporean lawyer parked his brand new Porsche Carrera GT in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he was getting out, a truck came along too close to the car and completely
tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a policeman was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Porsche; it was completely ruined.

His lights flashing, but before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Porsche, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be
same no matter how hard the body shop tries to make it new again. After the lawyer finally calmed down from his rant, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. 'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You're so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life'

'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.

The officer replied, 'Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got
ripped off when the truck hit you!'

'OH, MY GOD!' screamed the lawyer. "MY ROLEX !!! "