The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,'Please wake me at 5:00 A M.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM . Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.

Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.

She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says,

'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

'Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said:
'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)

Ah Beng story

Ah Beng is a bus driver; one day got this old folks home 'pao' his bus for a day trip to Pulau Ketam. Sitting right behind the driver's seat is Grandma Sue and from his rear mirror Ah Beng can see that Grandma Sue is happily munching away...

In the middle of the road trip, Grandma Sue tapped Ah Beng on his shoulder and asked him...

Grandma: 'Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?'

Ah Beng: 'Tenkiu ah ma... yes I want!'

Then Ah Beng also happy happy munching peanuts... about 20 minutes down the road, Grandma Sue asked Ah Beng again...

Grandma: 'Ah Beng ah! You want peanuts boh? Grandma treat you eat peanut ai mai?'

Ah Beng: 'Tenkiu ah ma ... yes I want!'

To make the story short, this goes on for a few more times then Ah Beng finally asks Grandma Sue...

Ah Beng: 'Ah ma ah .! ... you dont eat peanuts one meh?'

Grandma: 'No... no eat! Ah ma boh teeth la!'

Ah Beng: 'Aiks! Boh teeth then why ah ma buy peanuts leh?'

Grandma: 'No choice leh! Just now that 7-Eleven is out of chocolate so ah ma kena buy this peanut chocolate lor! Ah ma lick the chocolate around the peanut and the peanut give you eat lor!'

How true?

Got this from a forwarded email.....

Well, here is something to link the 5C's to the newer 5B's!

I don't need a CAR, but I want a BMW

I don't need a CONDO, but I want a BUNGALOW

I don't need you to have CASH but I want you to own a BANK

I don't need you to have a CAREER but I want you to be a BOSS


Most of you would have heard of the Singapore 5C's! :

Car, Condo, Credit Card (Gold), Cash and Career

Heard of the 5B's?

B - BMW

B - Body

B - Brain

B - Billionaire

B - Bungalow

And addition with the 5K's.

Kiasu (scared of losing)

Kiasee (scared of dying)

Kiabor (scared of wife)

Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)

Kiachenghu (scared of government)

We've been reading about the 5C's and 5K's for Singaporeans, now comes the 5 numerals and Malaysia's equivalent.

Singaporeans' "practice" for Simple Living:
1 - One Wife
2 - Two Children
3 - Three Bedroom Condo
4 - Four Wheels
5 - Five Figure Salary

Malaysian Malays' "practice" for Simple Living:
5 - Five Children
4 - Four Wives
3 - Three Figure Salary
2 - Two Wheels (Motorcycle)
1 - One-Storey Terrace House

When break up....

A guy donated blood to his girlfriend. When they broke up, he wanted his blood back.

The girl threw a bloody kotex at him and said,

"I'll pay you in monthly installment."

What's in your mind?

To make it straight, she pulls it.

To make it stand, she rubs it.

To make it stiff, she licks it.

To put it in, she pushes it.

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It is a hell of a job threading a needle!!!